Nothing Sabotages Loyalty Like the Blame Game

Cory Dobbs, Ed.D.
The Academy for Sport Leadership
www.sportleadership.com

*Note: This article is to be shared with your student-athletes.  Hold a brief discussion after your players have read the article.

Loyalty is the heart and soul of any meaningful relationship. A sports team provides the perfect platform for loyalty. Giving of one’s self to others is the foundation of loyalty. Many of our greatest experiences in life can be found in our relationships. At its core, loyalty is about reliability. And in the team setting reliability is a necessary ingredient for success.

Loyalty is found in the physical, intellectual, emotional, and social support we provide others. It is the bond of loyalty players have to teammates that forges a coherent team. It is players willingly committing to each other and going out of their way to ensure someone else’s needs are met.

However, getting along with others doesn’t mean the obligation to endure wrongful actions.

The Blame Game
Nothing destroys a relationship faster than blame. When you shift fault to another you cast yourself as a victim. In the court of victimhood what you want is the other person to be wrong and you to be right. No doubt, you feel you have real justification in your specific situation.

When you wrongfully blame others, you lose the right to loyalty. You’ve sacrificed a relationship to “save face,” to “look good,” or to simply hide a weakness. This is not loyalty. It is betrayal.

Let me state it plainly: Playing the blame game is wrong. Blame fuels conflict. It feeds the fire of dissension. It divides people. It can—and will—destroy your team. The blame game makes a mockery of loyalty. Blame is an act of selfishness.

Funny thing, most people that blame others look for at least one other person to align with them, to be an accomplice in the blame game? When a team member complains about what someone else “did to me” (such as a coach not giving you enough playing time), do others look to eagerly rush in and agree with the victim? Should one “cover” another’s back in the name of false victim-hood? After all, “she’s my friend and that’s what friends do for one another.”

These are not real friends. A real friend would say, “Cut the blame game and quit complaining about what “they” did to you. What did you do? What can you do to fix it?” Now that’s a loyal friend. This kind of honesty is what a loyal friend would do.

You need to be honest and direct, willing to confront teammates that violate team norms. Say what you need to say in a manner that shows your intent to solve the problem. Your objective is not to fight, but rather to make a positive impact toward a positive resolution. Your goal shouldn’t be to prove someone wrong, or to make you look good. Rather, your solution should be to cooperate and work toward a common purpose.

If you find yourself playing the blame game, understand that you are limiting your growth psychologically and relationally. Every time you choose to blame someone for a setback or for something negative that’s happened to you, you miss the opportunity to learn how to overcome adversity.

Confidence in one’s teammates is what makes for a tight-knit team. A team of loyal teammates offers a clear way to win. So when blame rears its ugly head, look instead for the courage to build up the moral muscles necessary for growing your commitment to others. Pledge to remain loyal and do the right thing.

And, a second short article from Dr. Dobbs

The Problem with Listening

In their classic Harvard Business Review article Listening to People, Ralph Nichols and Leonard Stevens get right to the point: “It can be stated, with practically no qualification, that people in general do not know how to listen.” Larry Barker and Kittie Watson in Listen Up declare, “Each of us has the power to decide how and when to listen.” Management expert Margaret Wheatley asserts, “I believe we can change the world if we start listening to one another again.” William Isaacs, MIT professor and senior lecturer in the MIT Leadership Center, reminds us that, “Listening requires we not only hear words, but also embrace, accept, and gradually let go of our own inner clamoring. As we explore it, we discover that listening is an expansive activity.”

Why do so few people listen to hear?
Think about it: The listener controls the conversation. Here’s a helpful exercise: Write down the many ways in which the listener controls a conversation. I think you’ll be surprised!

About the Academy for Sport Leadership
Our goal is to continuously create, modify and shape new programs based on research and practice. Our Coaching for Leadership and Teamwork Intelligence programs prepare top-notch coaches with the mindset and skill set to optimize student-athlete involvement, engagement, and performance.

About Cory Dobbs, Ed.D.

Cory Dobbs is the founder of The Academy for Sport Leadership and a nationally recognized thought leader in the areas of leadership and team building.  Cory is an accomplished researcher of human experience. Cory engages in naturalistic inquiry seeking in-depth understanding of social phenomena within their natural setting (visit www.sportleadership.com).

A college basketball coach, Cory’s coaching background includes experience at the NCAA DII, NJCAA, and high school levels of competition.  After a decade of research and development Cory unleashed the groundbreaking Teamwork Intelligence program for student-athletics. Teamwork Intelligence illuminates the process of designing an elite team by using the 20 principles and concepts along with the 8 roles of a team player he’s uncovered while performing research.

Cory has worked with professional athletes, collegiate athletic programs, and high schools teaching leadership and team building as a part of the sports experience and education process.  As a consultant and trainer Dr. Dobbs has worked with Fortune 500 organizations such as American Express, Honeywell, and Avnet, as well as medium and small businesses. Dr. Dobbs taught leadership and organizational change at Northern Arizona University, Ohio University, and Grand Canyon University.

“Tell me and I’ll forget. Show me and I may remember. Involve me and I will care.” -Your Student-Athlete The world of coaching is changing. In Coaching for Leadership you’ll discover the foundations for designing, building, and sustaining a leadership focused culture for building a high-performance team. To find out more about and order Sport Leadership Books authored by Dr. Dobbs including Coaching for Leadership, click this link: The Academy for Sport Leadership Books

Humility is not Optional.  It’s a Necessity

Cory Dobbs, Ed.D.  The Academy for Sport Leadership

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” –C.S. Lewis

As we descend deeper into a society characterized by polarization and division, cooperation is increasingly a curious characteristic.  First, let me suggest that cooperation is a product of humility, a dispositional drive of a selfless ego.  I introduce cooperation here to set it up as a desired individual behavior to be exercised in a team environment.

Consider humility to be a serious personality characteristic; one that is geared toward the positive construction and building of healthy relationships.  But don’t align humility with meekness or shyness—as is usually the case.   Resist the temptation to dismiss humility simply because it hasn’t been lionized like “grit,” or “mental toughness.”

One of the biggest mistakes coaches make is thinking that humility means a lack of self-confidence or a personal shortcoming such as a fragile sense of one’s self.

In team relationships humility shows through by the team members’ commitment to serve and support one another, through showing appreciation for the contributions of teammates, expressing encouragement, and acceptance of each other.  The person possessing a healthy dose of humility is generous with his or her support of others as expressed through loyalty and respect for teammates.

The humble teammate displays a strong sense of duty to the team.  Let me be clear: humility is the social glue that holds the team—a fragile eco-system—in balance.  Humility always contributes to unity.

It is worth exploring how to mesh cooperation with competition.  Competition—a cherished quality in the field of sport—is often considered to be the opposite of cooperation.  Competition is the drive and compulsion to win, to earn, to get, to have, to do.  Sports and competition are synonymous.  Yet, an ego attuned to only competition breeds a self-interested ego.  At this point I’m sure you’re saying…”and so?”

We live in a culture with a high tolerance for individualism.  This breeds status and ego.  It promotes selfishness (might I get creative and say “selfieness”), and an “It’s all about me” attitude.  Society rewards those who use self-promotion to stand-out.   Of course, many young people have bought into this approach to life.  However, there is often a darker side to ego.  Ryan Holiday, author of Ego is the Enemy, reveals:

“The ego we see most commonly goes by a more casual definition: an unhealthy belief in our

                own importance.  Arrogance.  Self-centered ambition….The need to be better than, more than,

recognized for, far past any reasonable utility—that’s ego.  It’s the sense of superiority and certainty that exceeds the bounds of confidence and talent.”

An ego out of control can and often does promote a sense of self-justification giving an individual the “freedom” to say and do whatever is in their best interest.  Ego driven people often are self-absorbed and seek only individual fulfillment.  Certainly such behavior can and often is displayed on the playing field.

However, don’t confuse this with a default proposition that competitiveness is bad; it’s clearly not.  But when an ego (triggered by a social or psychological event) is out of touch with reality it can quickly put a person on a path to self-destruction.  And when this happens good luck reaching the person; you likely won’t until they meet with a fall that humbles them.  Reality meets humility.

A humble person, one driven by a strong and stable sense of humility, is simply more likely to help a teammate, to regard others as equals and worthy of a deep, close relationship.   Simply said, the humble person who practices humility keeps their accomplishments, gifts, and talents in a proper perspective. They possess self-awareness, avoid self-serving distortions, and are keenly aware of their limitations. They value the welfare of teammates and have the ability to mindfully attend to the uniqueness of each team member.  Humility always contributes to unity.

 

About Cory Dobbs, Ed.D.

Cory Dobbs is the founder of The Academy for Sport Leadership and a nationally recognized thought leader in the areas of leadership and team building.  Cory is an accomplished researcher of human experience. Cory engages in naturalistic inquiry seeking in-depth understanding of social phenomena within their natural setting (visit www.sportleadership.com).

A former coach, Cory’s coaching background includes experience at the NCAA DII, NJCAA, and high school levels of competition.  After a decade of research and development Cory unleashed the groundbreaking Teamwork Intelligence program for student-athletics. Teamwork Intelligence illuminates the process of designing an elite team by using the 20 principles and concepts along with the 8 roles of a team player he’s uncovered while performing research.

Cory has worked with professional athletes, collegiate athletic programs, and high schools teaching leadership and team building as a part of the sports experience and education process.  As a consultant and trainer Dr. Dobbs has worked with Fortune 500 organizations such as American Express, Honeywell, and Avnet, as well as medium and small businesses. Dr. Dobbs taught leadership and organizational change at Northern Arizona University, Ohio University, and Grand Canyon University.

“Tell me and I’ll forget. Show me and I may remember. Involve me and I will care.” -Your Student-Athlete The world of coaching is changing. In Coaching for Leadership you’ll discover the foundations for designing, building, and sustaining a leadership focused culture for building a high-performance team. To find out more about and order Sport Leadership Books authored by Dr. Dobbs including Coaching for Leadership, click this link: The Academy for Sport Leadership Books

This post was provided by InnerDrive, a mental skills training company

How do we become better leaders? An effective leader is someone who can create an inspiring vision, motivate and inspire their team, manage the delivery of that shared purpose and then coach and improve that team in order to achieve that end goal. So what are the best leadership skills, and what are the keys to becoming a better leader?

1. UNDERSTANDING YOUR LEADERSHIP STYLE
According to research, there are loads of different leadership styles and they vary between men and women. However, 4 main styles have been commonly agreed. These four leadership styles include autocratic, democratic, laissez-faire and transformational. By finding out what type of leader you are, you will then be able to identify your strengths and areas in which you need to improve.

For more ideas on how to help your team members develop and improve, have a look at our page on how to improve metacognition.

Autocratic

This leadership style includes, close supervision, lack of input from followers, complete control and solo decision-making.

Democratic

This leadership style includes, shared decision-making responsibilities, social equality, creativity and high engagement from group members.

Laissez-faire

This style includes, little direction from the leader, lots of freedom for group members, team members are responsible for making all decisions and a great deal of autonomy.

Transformationala-better-leader

People who have this leadership style are often described as energetic, passionate, enthusiastic, trustworthy, creative and intelligent.

A more in-depth description of these styles can be found here.

2. Be a role model

This doesn’t necessarily mean leading from the front, as keeping a watchful eye from a distance can allow your team to develop their own forms of leadership and management strategies. This point refers to the way you, as the leader, exemplify your behaviours and characteristics for your team to follow. Your actions can have a profound impact on the behaviours of your team. Research has shown that by showing your organisation what is possible, a leader can empower them to develop their own skill sets.

3. Be authentic

Being authentic in your approach to leadership provides your group with a true understanding of who you are as a person, away from your professional role. Research has shown that by doing what is promised, being visible to your organisation and being honest helps manifest a sense of trust within the group you’re leading. Be true to your values and in doing so, your team can understand the direction you want to take them in.

4. Listen to, and communicate with, your team

Research has shown that non-verbal cues like body language, facial expressions, eye movement and hand motions are an important form of communication. Matching your non-verbal cues to your actions and words can help with authenticity.

Whilst verbally and non-verbally communicating with your team, it is also important to listen to what they have to offer. Be an active listener, in doing so approach conversations with concentration and regard for the speaker’s thoughts and considerations. Likewise, studies have shown that skilled listeners also pick up on the speaker’s underlying thoughts and concerns by tuning into their non-verbal cues, showing genuine care for the person’s feelings and morale.

5. Motivate your team

Leaders can motivate people in various ways, but by making sure the individuals inside the team understand that their investment of time and effort is something worthwhile, and can encourage the desired actions. Evidence indicates that this can be done by providing recognition and praise, offering rewards, inclusion and by being passionate.

Final thought

John F. Kennedy once said, “Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other.” Highlighting how leadership is a constant learning process and that it can most definitely be taught. Anyone can become a great leader as long as you are willing to listen and learn.

These two articles on self-reflection and leadership were submitted by Dr. Cory Dobbs of The Academy for Sport Leadership / www.sportleadership.com

The Invisible Barrier to Learning: Question Your Assumptions

What if we—you, me, and the next guy—really understood how little we know. Oh, we might have some subject matter expertise. But that only counts for a small sliver of life. Yet I consistently find that people, either because of a predisposition to self-protection (preservation) or self-promotion (preference) are slow to learn that it’s okay not to know everything.

In meeting after meeting I’ve noticed a favored declaration by the participants is “I already know that.” This message is often communicated explicitly by uttering the words, but more often the “I already know that” takes shape in nodding of the head back and forth designed to communicate this “fact”.

Why is it so worrisome to hear those words? Well, it suggests that the individual believes that their state of knowledge on that topic or subject is settled and complete. Therefore, they might not be open to learning new things, to questioning their assumptions, or considering the fact that they just might be wrong. Yet if you ask the head nodder if they are open-minded, you’ll get a continuation of the forward-backward nod to signify “of course I’m open to learning.”

The truth is this habit is hard to break. However, the curious mind is often found in the beginner, the one that is eager to learn about how things work. It’s often said that in the beginners mind there are many possibilities, in the expert there are few. Once you know this you can enter meetings with the mind of a beginner. New ideas, thoughts, or insights emerge not by chance, but by embracing and studying the challenges we encounter each and every day. You can begin learning at a deeper level by getting rid of the words “I already know that.”

Article #2: Mindset: Are You Satisficing or Maximizing?

The knowledge monopoly on “X” and “O’s” has been shattered. New coaching web sites pop up every day offering to you, the coach, all you need to master the technical and tactical parts of coaching your sport. And that’s great; tools for new coaches to get up to speed and veteran’s to quickly learn a new wrinkle.

But what about leadership development for you and your student-athletes?

In general, my research reveals two mindsets when it comes to leadership development; the maximizing mindset (searching for something that is “best”) vs. the satisficing mindset (searching for something that is “good enough”). Leadership is about relationships, it’s about expectations, preferences and an over-arching ideology. Great coaches don’t take leadership lightly. They deliberately develop team leaders and simultaneously grow themselves as leaders.

“Tell me and I’ll forget. Show me and I may remember. Involve me and I will care.” -Your Student-Athlete The world of coaching is changing. In Coaching for Leadership you’ll discover the foundations for designing, building, and sustaining a leadership focused culture for building a high-performance team. To find out more about and order Sport Leadership Books authored by Dr. Dobbs including Coaching for Leadership, click this link: The Academy for Sport Leadership Books

Dr. Dobbs recently joined Jamy Bechler on the “Success is a Choice” Podcast – hear his thoughts on team leadership and developing a leader in every locker here.

Leading with Quiet Strength

By Dr. Cory Dobbsm President, The Academy for Sport Leadership

Editor’s This was written about a basketball team, and is offered as food for thought for your football program.

On an unusually warm morning, sometime in October, the head coach of a successful basketball program looked at me and said, “He just doesn’t get it. He can’t help us. He simply does not know how to lead this team!” As an invited guest I listened and observed. And listened. And observed some more.

This was a return visit by me to evaluate the team’s culture. A couple of months earlier I’d spent several weeks during the off-season working with the staff and players to build a leader in every locker culture.

My visit was part research—to evaluate how “sticky” is our Teamwork Intelligence program (created by The Academy for Sport Leadership), and part coaching—to come back and revisit some of the key practices of the Teamwork Intelligence program with the coaches and players.

The player that caused the coach’s rant was a returning point guard of whom much was expected. In the past, all the point guards the coach deployed were boisterous, passionate, and outwardly emotional. This point guard, however, was unusually quiet on the floor, off the floor, and in the
classroom.

Conversations with him are always lop‐sided, others doing the talking. The head coach was frustrated that after two years in the program the player had yet to come out of his “shell.”

A person’s choice of interpersonal interaction sometimes offers clues to a deeper driving force—such as introversion or extroversion. One’s inclination to extroversion or introversion can quickly be determined by what I call the “crowded party effect.”

The introvert at a crowded party is likely to find a comfortable seat from which to observe the activity of others. Introverts are inclined to “be quiet” and are drained by such social encounters, while the “party animal” extrovert is energized by such activity and seeks out people to charge their batteries.

Several years ago, Susan Cain, a Harvard Business School professor, delivered one of the most well‐received Ted Talks of all time. Today the YouTube video counts more than 18 million views of her talk on introversion. Cain wrote, the 2012 book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t
Stop Talking,” which has sold two million copies worldwide. With the Ted Talk and book, Susan Cain has single‐handedly triggered a deeper awareness of and appreciation for the many facets of introversion. She’s introduced a myth-shattering perspective that has transformed the way we view introversion and introverts.

Far more than we are consciously aware of, we live in a society dominated by extroverts. Cain’s research points out that the American culture glorifies extroversion. Sports stars and movie stars are highly paid and followed, and social media thrives on people exposing their innermost thoughts and feelings. Extroverts are highly visible in most settings and situations. Bold personalities are rewarded.

Cain writes, “We’re told that to be great is to be bold, to be happy is to be sociable. We see ourselves as a nation of extroverts—which means that we’ve lost sight of who we really are.” In fact, she notes, one‐third to one‐half of Americans are introverts. So if you’re not one yourself, she often advises audiences, “You’re probably raising or managing or married to one.”

The quiet and reserved point guard that so frustrated the coach, it turns out, was an introvert. A stone cold introvert. After practice the head coach set the stage. Before examining the practice session we sipped iced‐tea—a kind of cooling off period.

Our conversation was soon set in motion. The head coach opened our post‐practice conversation with a “See. I told you so,” reinforcing a tight grip on his perspective. My observation of the practice session that day was, however, quite different.

During the practice I counted 18 personal touches (such as grasping a teammate’s elbow in order to pull the teammate in to hear him speak)—micro acts of leadership—by the point guard. The coach looked at me in a curious way when I stated this fact. So I explained. Each touch by the point guard was a leadership act. A player threw an errant pass that was taken by the opposing squad down the floor for a quick score. Knowing and sensing his teammate’s anger the quiet leader simply walked over and literally lifted his teammate’s head—softly but authoritatively. The teammate immediately shifted back into a positive mode. Such behavior happened at the most appropriate times. During a stop in action the quiet leader walked over to a teammate and softly spoke words of instruction—never calling attention to himself. Rather, in a calm and nonchalant manner the quiet
point guard curiously found all kinds of quiet moments in which to take action and provide leadership.

The seemingly reticent team leader was completely in tune with his teammates. The head coach, however, not looking at these micro‐actions as leadership moments, simply could not see what was right in front of him. The team manager loaded up the video of the practice, allowing me to show
display evidence of the “non‐leader” leading.

Most people are comfortable thinking of leaders as being outgoing, visible, and charismatic. Such a perspective is overly narrow.

Scientists now know that, extroverts have no special advantage in leadership. Yes, they tend to be more visible, and assertive, but those are situational advantages.

Introverts tend to process more information and do so accurately as they are often able to mitigate the influence of emotion. Further, introverts seldom need the emotional stimuli that an extrovert requires. They do best in quiet environments where they can interact one-on‐one, or in small groups. Knowing who the team’s introverts and extroverts are can go a long way in building deep and durable interpersonal relationships.

The specter of the introverted team leader touches on a fundamental distinction between action and reflection. When we think of team leaders, we usually envision someone like Tom Brady, LeBron James, Carli Lloyd or Julie Foudy. The image of a team leader is one of action; rare is it when
reflection is considered a co‐equal quality. But action without reflection is a suboptimal way of building a cohesive team.

These two aspects of human dynamics, action and reflection, establish the essential elements of leadership. Everything a leader does involves some degree of action on the ground and reflection distilled in making sense of events, incidents, and relationships. As one expert said, “Action
without reflection is thoughtless; reflection without action is passive.”

Accordingly, it is no longer impossible to have introverts participate in team leadership. A reorientation to use action (read extrovert) and reflection (read introvert) in creative ways is to ensure a healthy climate conducive to building a high‐performance team culture. To put it
simply, if we recognize ways to include the introvert along with the extrovert in team leadership, we can create a leader in every locker.

The Academy for Sport Leadership’s Coaching for Leadership Approach: Our approach to team building is rooted in the belief that leadership is a powerful force for shaping a team’s culture, influencing the growth and development of student-athletes. We find that and those coaches that practice deep leadership, and a deep commitment to Coaching for Leadership, stand above and apart from others in the profession.

COACHING FOR LEADERSHIP RESOURCE

Coaching for Leadership: How to Develop a Leader in Every Locker. ($24.99)

The Academy for Sport Leadership    www.sportleadership.com

About the Author

Dr. Cory Dobbs is a national expert on sport leadership and team building and is the founder of The Academy for Sport Leadership.  A teacher, speaker, consultant, and writer, Dr. Dobbs has worked with professional, collegiate, and high school athletes and coaches teaching leadership as a part of the sports experience.  He facilitates workshops, seminars, and consults with a wide-range of professional organizations and teams.  Dr. Dobbs previously taught in the graduate colleges of business and education at Northern Arizona University, Sport Management and Leadership at Ohio University, and the Jerry Colangelo College of Sports Business at Grand Canyon University.

Contact Information for Dr. Cory Dobbs:
[email protected]
(623) 330.3831 (call or text)
www.sportleadership.com